It was in 1976 that we lossed through complications of a sickness our third child, she was six years, daughter Grace Esther. It was a very traumatic experience for the both of us as parents. Grace had been ill from birth and we had to care every day very intensively for her. Her death came nevertheless very sudden and unexpected. She died alone in a hospital - we were not with her, as we were assured by the medical doctor that she would be alright. Grace was a very beautiful girl and very creative. Though she had a physical impediment she was very lively. We felt the loss very deeply and it caused hurts and a lot of questions. The years have gone bye, but sometimes the scars on our souls, our emotions, can still be felt and be very hurtful. Jesus, however, through His Spirit, can even heal the hidden wounds and scars of years ago. Here follows the testimony of my wife. I think that nobody can deny the tender, loving healing action of the Holy Spirit here as He healed an hidden pain in the heart.....
Teun de Ruiter
Testimony: There is no end to the ... Love of Jesus
second testimony of Tessa de Ruiter
(published in Dutch in the january 1998 issue of the church magazine of Elim Pentecostal Church, Hilversum, The Netherlands)
Dear people, at the beginning of this new year I want to tell you about a deep healing, that the Lord accomplished in me about one and a half year ago. This healing took place when Steve Hill from Canada was with us in a 'Praise & Power' service in our church. I have already testified about this experience in a Aglow meeting, but not yet in the church. Deep in my heart I knew that I would share this experience with you. This is the moment now and I hope that you will be blessed by it. It was about one and a half year ago that I was singing with our praisegroup in the service when I felt the power of the Holy Spirit very strongly. At a certain moment Steve Hill looked at me and it was as if something inside hit me - I fell to the floor. Lying on the floor the Holy Spirit started a deep work of healing in me. The Lord had already healed much in me and for that I was very thankful. But every time His healing work goes a little further.... We all know that we often put traumatic experiences deeply away in hidden corners of our heart . The Lord however waits on the right moment and then He says: "Now it is time to heal...." When I was lying on the floor I started to tell the Lord that I was in fact angry with Him and I told Him also the reason why. We have a wonderful granddaughter Stacey, but sometimes, when I looked at her, it was as if I saw our llittle Grace, who is now with Jesus. At a certain day, after she began to speak and walk, she ren to me and called: "Grandma, grandma...", and it was as if I heard Grace calling me - it cut me in my heart. I started to think: "Lord, why does Stacey resemble our Grace and not somebody else. I am angry with you." I realised later that within the depth of my heart I had remained angry with God. How is it possible that inspite of former deep healings, such things like anger, pain and grief can still be there, in our heart?
When I was lying on the floor Jesus came near to me and said: "Tessa, the time has come now to deal completely with it." He showed me why I had been angry with Him. The words came deep from within me: "Why did I not have the opportunity to say goodbye to Grace? Because of this I am angry with you." Then something beautiful happened, something nobody else knew this - only Jesus. On the morning that we took Grace to the hospital and I had to go away, I stood in the door of the hospitalroom and said: "Goodbye, dear Grace", and Grace said: "Goodbye, mamma..." A second time: "Goodbye, dear Grace." and a second time: "Goodbye, mamma..." And a third time: "Goodbey, dear Grace of mine." And a third time she said: "Goodbye, dear mamma..." It was as if I could not go away - that was our last conversation.... As I was now lying in the presence of Jesus I saw a wonderful picture. I saw a beautiful young woman (not a little girl) with short, blond hair, brown eyes and very neatly dressed. I also saw a woman, weeping of sorrow. The young woman walked to her - sat before her - took her hands and looked straight in her eyes and said: "Goodbye, dear mamma," and a second time: "Goodbye dear mamma of mine..." and a third time she said: "Goodbye, dear mamma of mine." Jesus stood there and said: "Tessa, this is your goodbye." It touched me deeply and it was so wonderfully healing. This experience must have come from the heart of God, because nobody knew about this, except me and Jesus. Dear people, there is nobody, who knows us so well as the Father in heaven. There is no limit to the love of Jesus. What He has done for me, He wants to do also for you. Allow Him to come close to your hurts, sorrow, anger and perhaps to your bitterness and let His healing love heal your wounded soul and refresh it.
Leusden; Dutch version, 16 dec. 1997; English 1 january 1998
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